Jerry and the Brussels Sprouts

The kitchen in our family home where I grew up had a space for an eat-in table.  When I was quite young, my father built a table and benches into that space. The table and benches were just large enough for our family of six, and we ate most of our family meals there. If you were the first one in on either side of the table, you were stuck there until everyone else got out. But it was an efficient use of the small space, and I have many fond memories of meals at that table.

When Dad built the table and benches, there was a register for the forced-air heating that had to be covered up by one of the benches.  Dad put a slot beneath the bench above the register, just where the support for the bench and the bench seat came together. The seat above the register was considered the prime seat in the winter, because it was always toasty warm. The slot, however, proved to have an unintended negative side effect.

One day, Mom decided to serve Brussels sprouts. In my brother Jerry's defense (and you will soon see why he needs defending), Mom's Brussels sprouts weren't very good. I believe they were frozen, and boiled, and overcooked at that. Overcooked Brussels sprouts, especially if they are just boiled, can be nasty. The overcooking enhances the sulfur compounds in the sprouts, and they just taste strong and not very nice. I don't think any of us liked them, but Jerry especially disliked them.

Now, Mom and Dad were eat-what's-set-before-you kind of people.  "I don't like it" was no excuse for not eating healthy, nutritious food that was served. (Actually, by the time my youngest brother Jeff came along, Mom sort of gave that attitude up, but that's a story for another blog post.) So Jerry was expected to eat his Brussels sprouts.

And, indeed, the Brussels sprouts disappeared from his plate, so Mom and Dad assumed he had eaten them. This was not the case. Jerry had been sitting on the seat above the heat register that evening, and he had surreptitiously taken his Brussels sprouts, and slipped them into that slot just below his seat, where they fell to the floor, inside the built-in bench.

Jerry's deceit was discovered when, a day or so later, a smell of rotting food began to emanate from beneath the bench, beside the register. As the Brussels sprouts decayed, the rotting was enhanced by the warm air coming out of the heat register. The smell was foul, and there was no way to clean it up, short of completely demolishing the built-in table and bench, which wasn't an option. So we just had to put up with the stench until the Brussels sprouts had completely decayed and stopped stinking.

There are better ways to cook Brussels sprouts. They are delicious just drizzled with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and roasted. Here is another yummy way to serve them. Of course, the bacon and butter probably negate any positive health effect from the sprouts, but what fun is life without bacon and butter?  This recipe also works well with broccoli, so I've included that recipe as well, even though it's nearly identical.


Brussels Sprouts Sauteed with Bacon

1 lb. Brussels sprouts
8 strips bacon
2 T. butter
1/2 tsp. salt

Peel the leaves from the sprouts, and thinly slice the innermost heads, discarding the cores.  Set aside. (You could also just slice the sprouts thinly, or cut the sprouts in quarters.)

Dice the bacon.  Saute in a frying pan until crisp. Remove the bacon bits from the fat, and drain off all but a tablespoon or two of the bacon fat. Add the butter and melt. Stir in the Brussels sprouts leaves and the salt, and saute until tender, about 15-20 minutes. Remove the Brussels sprouts to a serving dish, and sprinkle with the bacon bits and some freshly ground pepper to taste. Serve piping hot as an accompaniment to a roast.


Broccoli Sauteed with Bacon

1 lb. broccoli
8 strips bacon
2 T. butter
1/2 tsp. salt

Cut the florets from the broccoli. Peel and discard the tough skin from the broccoli stems, and slice the stems.  Set aside.

Dice the bacon.  Saute in a frying pan until crisp. Remove the bacon bits from the fat, and drain off all but a tablespoon or two of the bacon fat. Add the butter and melt. Stir in the prepared broccoli and the salt, and saute until tender-crisp, about 15-20 minutes. Remove the broccoli to a serving dish, and sprinkle with the bacon bits and some freshly ground pepper to taste. Serve piping hot as an accompaniment to a roast.